Oh Ian! (09.10.10)

Last night I dreamt of Ian, an old college friend who I haven't seen for the very long time. What happened was somewhere in a place not familiar, a cafeteria where I have to meet another friend for lunch (probably). But when I was walking with my tray, I noticed Ian there eating on his own and decided impromptu that Jin (the other friend I was about to meet) and I can see each other at anytime, but I couldn't with Ian so I walked towards him, sat across the table and began to talk like as if it was still college. I didn't know why I dreamt of him all of a sudden but somehow now I feel like I missed the guy.

He was on his 20s when we were in first year, I was 17 by then. Unlike most who reach that age and still a freshman his reason was far more funnier than sad. Won't divulge what that was, not even sure if that was his only attempt in college but nonetheless, financial problems, to as much as I know about him isn't an issue. So when we parted ways, meaning, different schedules due to not being in a consistent block, I rarely get to talk to him until one day he just left. Last time I heard he and his parents flied to London. I've no idea if he eventually finished college, or if he wrote another book or did he ever proved that there was really a ghost. I would have resorted to Facebook just to contact him again but I kind of forgot his surname. Ack. Even the fact that he would be in that SNS would also thrill me. The guy is not the type who would simply jump to any fad.

At that time I didn't have any crushes so I pinpointed him as one. I've told it to a friend or two but it's more like I'm convincing myself that I like 'like' him but really didn't. I don't feel that tingly feeling I get with some other crushes, nor didn't I feel hurt when he made a girlfriend with one of our cliques. The fact is, it's just that platonic feeling of having someone good enough to talk to that's why I long hanging out with him. By now I really think it's silly thing that I tried forcing myself to think like that.

One of the things that I kept on repeating to everyone was this maxim(s) of his (which I think he said he got from somewhere) and it got me so inspired it become ingrained in my head. He says that the only time that he is willing to die is when he is done with all of these things:

1. Plant a Tree
2. Write a Book
3. Have a child

Those three if you notice is more about leaving something behind. Leave a resource, leave an idea, leave a legacy. I haven't gotten his book because he hasn't published it yet that time (he has an aunt in Canada who is a publisher or editor, not sure and they were thinking if it needs to be in a series) and now I regret forgetting what the title was after pressing him for it. So basically by the time he was in his 20s, he only had #3 left undone.

I didn't know why all of a sudden he came to mind. It's wishful thinking if he remembered me too. He's like those people that you wanted to be friends with throughout your life because they exist to challenge your thoughts and not just simply hang there to go to your birthdays and greet you in the holidays. I just wish though that he thought of me that way too. And yeah, I miss him. Not even close to being malicious, but seriously. I miss talking to him.

Image from: http://boylanblog.blogspot.com/2007_10_01_archive.html